Today (or better said yesterday) I have hit my desired 100th liquor shot (thx Radek). I do not know why I was waiting so long (almost two weeks) to finish it. To get thru what has been  swirling thru my mind the last month. That the “NO” means just “gimme a break”. Now I know it means really the NO. She moved on, and I guess its time I will do the same. But to be honest, these things always take so long, call me old fashioned. Tried everything – booze, buddies, friends with benefits. Although my mind is focused now mostly on my new home now, there are still some moments I fall back and think. Gosh, what the hell. Pulling myself together, breaking the ice. Enjoing the parties, having good time with buddies, bros. & broads

It`s two in the morning returning from a farewell party of a good friend. A bro, however with some  minor letdowns in five years  But still a valid bro, a person I belive in and respect. Seeing some new and some long not seen faces. Especially one brings memories, And will always do, although I know I do not want to loose another friend. Shall I loose this one to get rid of the face I once liked too much? Shall I shatter a friendship just because her speech, her way to move, her presence brings me memories which make me think (yaiks)? Gotta think this thru. Damn

I was called an ex today, which is clear to me for some time. But when I see it on a screen I feel weird. As I suceeded in avoiding physical contact, I just cannot stop to read. It will pass, as I feel I grow stronger . But I guess I have not the balls to avoid that racked website. So I will continue reading it. Till the time I finally move on. To become a cold and closed man I used to be for years

Why do I worry anyway? I have it all what a dude can think of.. the whole package. Excluded any feelings, any moral grounds. Positioning myself in my old role – a cold, reserverved douche. Nice to meet you, I am the old Jan. The one, from the years I arrived to Brno, the one who was not a wuzz. The one who did not have to try to impress. The one who counted, because he was what the life made him to

Now your gone
I’ve moved on
And I don’t feel so sorry
Can’t you see I’m bleeding
But I won’t bleed anymore
I’ve held on
For so long
But I had to let you go
At the end of our broken road

12 Stones – Broken road

Its Friday early morning.. let`s do the best of it . Just hit the bed thinking what has to be done in the morning.  Oh, yeah, right – no hassle – I am the master of my time now

PS: writing this drunk, I appologize for the typos. cheers

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