here i am. After a 30 minute walk of cursing and nurgling  I have to say – it`s enough. As a wise man said, nothing good ever happened after 2am.And yes, it just hit me as well. Have no really clue how it came all together, but i honestly though i would be saved another discussion about my past & future this week. I am a freakin guy, dammit ! I bury my feelings deep, if I find any. I have always though my closest friends are here to motivate me, defend me and show me the path. Oh, how wrong I was. After more than enough of booze I have figured out, I can`t really defend myself. And worst thing is – nobody helped me out. Not during the weekend, nor today. that is a lesson I`ve learned today. Do I really need to call these people friends and why keep them close? have no answer at this moment

I hoped  for the right time to ask if I could drive hundrets of kilometers to make someone happy. That someone would be me in first place. Don`t think I would be welcomed there. Not after the weekend, not after today. Such a wuzzy performance from myself. Did everything wrong the last days, so I think now I can`t really force someone to like me. Had three years to do so, it just did not work out. I have failed. Mostly I`ve failed my hope

As I think about the future now, there is less to look forward to. The balance of happyness makes one happy and the another sad. I was hoping to be my turn now, i guess I was wrong. Patience, little one – my time will come soon. Will jus say.. maybe. Always tried to be more the giving one than to be the receiver.

Its 4AM and iam writing these few pathetic lines. Am I happy? no, not now. I was few hours ago, and I hope I will be in few days.I promise that to myself.

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